Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
