Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
