Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
