I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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