Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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