I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
