kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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