new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize