i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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