So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
