My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
