I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She announced her abortion via fbk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
