I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
