I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
