I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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