My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
