tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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