Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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