You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
