A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
