I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
