I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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