She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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