i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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