k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
