He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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