I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize