Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
