And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
