Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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