Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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