FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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