don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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