She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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