You made me cry and you don't even care
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
