Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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