There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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