New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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