i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
