Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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