don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
