true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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