you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
