So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
