How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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