Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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