I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Congratulations! We have a period
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
