Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize