Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
