I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
