Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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