Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
