Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
