I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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