"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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