So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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