I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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