My nipple is on Facebook.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
