How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
