Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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