just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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