Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
