I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
