my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
