You smell like stripper and shame
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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