There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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