i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
