Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
