I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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