How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How's work?
Spinning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
