So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
