Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
