1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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