Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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