Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
