so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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