my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
