Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
