Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
