I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
