some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
tell me about the eggs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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