he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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