Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
