We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
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