She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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