oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
