I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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